A writers words are often inscribed
on what he finds as inspiration

to force a piece is like bending a branch
to much pressure
snap

you loose all youve strived for

some inspiration is better than others
but all inspiration can be followed with letters

let them form words like stormy clouds

billowing higher and taller
longer and darker

yet behind every storm cloud
the rays still shine bright

the fire like crimson
still blazing from this sun

no matter how dark
no matter how low
beyond and above
the light will still glow

so open your eyes up
look to the sky
let all your tears out
no shame to cry

for tears wept in solice
are tears wept in vain
tears wept with lovers
are just not the same

they know your pain

so open your eyes
to open your heart

look not with disdain
but see the true art

art in a smile
is art thats unknown
art we can strive for
art we can live for

and happy I am
to live for a smile
even if only
it once in a while

now close your eyes
and see your favourite smile
...
...
amazing the power
of art in a smile

amazed am I
how strange we people can be
words, my apologies
how useful you can be
words may mean nothing by themselves
but together they can work so well
like so many other things
few short words ago I may well have been a ghost
letting myself slip and watching with a frown
go on, continue, just another day
heard help from a great friends mind
now understand the meaning of time
time to be given
not taken back
cant change the past
but never forsake the future
A weekend of soul searching has opened my eyes
time to concetrate on the real prize
now is the time to nurture
remember who I am
all that I stand for
A smile I heard
so small but so loud
god shes beautiful

my heart beats harder with every line
I watch with scared eyes for what you will write next
just keep talking to me

I want to hold her hand. I want to hold her close and tell her how much she means to me. How much I wish we could continue being. I wish what I wanted was possible.
I wait for anything
a call
a message
a hint of what can become
I will wait
how many more words can i write before my fingers loose strength
Im powered by one thing and one thing only
Im fueled with thoughts of her
Continue to pray that Im not forsaken
I cant loose hope
I wont loose hope
how can a mind be so fully engaged
no other thoughts are allowed in my head
I try and try
assignments sit untouched
I cant concentrate on anything else
pain so complete
my heart is bleeding out for my feet to walk on
stomp what ever is left out
maybe then
but not now
who am I
what am I
I wish she could read my mind
I wish that would change things
and I know
I wish too much
still
I count every second that I havent seen her
every second a thorn through my skin
first steps are big ones
maybe this one is too big

I remember you as a time of day
truly hard to think of
early morning as I wake
perhaps the smile of knowing I will soon see you again
late night as I lay to rest
I think this one I like best
thinking thoughts of hours past
fresh in my mind is the silhouette of your face
I know your smile
so beautiful
I think hard about what you mean to me
and there is no end
unperceivable feelings
I put everything out of my mind so I can dream of you dancing and nothing will be in your way
I forget all that doesnt fit, only you can stay
I will remember you as my goodnight story
A book of thoughts I read each night
used to be a story with a happy ending
now I fear it becomes a horror story
ending in unwanted fright
my dreams become haunting
but I cannot stop
I remember your smile
and always will

What is the point of one? The only thing I know is that the point of one is to become two. it doesnt work the other way. I miss her so much, just the thought of not holding her makes me cry every time. I sit now with a blank mind, lost hope, lost meaning, lost feelings. Staring blank into the horizen wondering what will become of us. That word..'us'..is painful. Not us anymore. just her. Nothing can help me now, Ive lost my spirit, life changing mistake. I can't forget, no matter how hard I try. I want my heart to die. My heart had two parts, I gave one away and the broke the piece I had left. lost friendship. No more. these weeks left are impossible to comprehend. Ive lost myself. By loosing her. I can't bear company. every stare penetrates my soul, I can feel the contempt. I welcome it now, My penance is shame. I must. the true meaning of despair is now me. Love has no place in my life anymore. Im a lost wandering soul.

11/28/09

And now forlorn once again I walk alone through the wide wilderness. I became what Im not for an instant I wish I could change, but I know that magic doesnt exist. I feel sick, this kind of pain doesnt feel real. All encompasing, no part of me is safe. The hurt is everywhere and the thought of how I hurt you is what hurts the most. I wish second chances existed, but the hope is false hope.

11/28/09

now I look back on what i have written and I see myself sadly not being myself.



the reason for writing is unheaving a burden,

to take out the darkness within.

you cant live without it,

but its in everything,

its your job to store and learn to stop hurting

the transgression of mind takes place
slowly
yet nonetheless in its fruition of change
I begin solemnly to allow my thoughts to become
I am afraid of what I have done
regret is a thing that I never wanted to live with
yet here it is
so I remorsefully go on
persistant to get this down
slowly
write down words
contemplate madness
go there for a bit
but come back soon
I dont belong now
some mistakes should never be made
not in my blood what I've down
something took over
when I came back I was in a horrible place
I didnt belong
a face that shouldnt have been
pain is me now, suffering my debt
confusion has struck me because all of a sudden I became what I hate
such passion that can follow an action is remarkable
I step back and gaze upon the change I've inflicted and fill with shame
eyes cant be seen, nor ears will listen
so words mean nothing

I'm cold now
line after line is all I can do
I cant even call, no time for talking
writing please help
words on digital paper
words meaning nothing
despair
unwanted
mistake
abomination
moronic
regret
loathing
fallen
broken
empty
sadness
morose
hatred
pain
nothing

I have become something that I have never been and I hate myself now for it. Easily put as the worst thing that I have ever done. I cant ask forgiveness because that doesnt exist. only sorry is what I can offer and that doesnt mean shit. I regret my action, wasnt even a decision. whoever that was, it wasnt me. something I hope will help me get through this, I dont yet know what, but first steps are big ones. no more forward thoughts, no more future thinking. I am stuck in the now and the absolute past. nothing but dreams left, but they are nightmares. I wont dream of her because that would do me more harm. I cant think of her because I cry every time. All I can say is that wasnt me. I want to go back and change everything. too bad. too late. too sad.

in silent mourning i become a slug
nothing more than a fucked up bug
shitty rhymes for shitty times is all im going to write today
I feel so lost and broken inside, biggest mistake of my life
had something great, amazing, and beautiful
but I ruined it with one stupid thought
the worst part too, I couldnt go through
I ruined my life for nothing
I had no heart and now its torn apart
I just wish I could get one final kiss
no fucking chance
I cant even dance with the girl whos hand that i want
in bed I shared warmth, and stories and more
best friend told me keep it up, but maybe even more
then I ruined it quickly, abruptly, so swift
well thats my shiitty rhyme
I only have one wish
and that is I hope she understand that I am the fuck up. nothing at all wrong with her. in pure absolute fact, she is truly amazing. i ruined the best thing I had in oda.
I am sorry.

my home 11/27/09

room without colour

this is where I live

sometimes forever in my head

it brings me peace

some sweet relief

almost always

awaiting answers

sometime

now grasping for words

the mind is out

gone somewhere

winter worries

lack of snow

writing words

lack of knowing

erase

one forward two back

Girl of my summertime

you snuck into my dreams


I wish I dreamt more
your the one I miss

future thoughts and a forward thinking mind
is all I have when you wander into my world
stolling lightly through my everexpanding wildrness
spotless bliss until an explosoin of...
now what is that
I always forget
but whatever thats okay
I know that its no here to hurt
In my mind I can see the lifetime of a tree
from seed to full grown
pause rewind
true growth takes place in this magical state
A piece of a tree falls into the wind
A piece of my mind falls into a spin
make a realization of the relation i speak of
a maybe perhaps you will know what I think of
rambling raucous is what I lay forth
for now is the time that i move onto yore
time for another night
the landing

her morning elegance isnt lost on me,
I wake from a dream and open my eyes
clear the sleep from my wine filled head
awake now I hear a light breath by my side
a beauty is sleeping in fine repose
and swift I must be to make my first move
cant disturb this princesses dream
but I will
in time
so moments drag on
as I lay open eyed
gazing upon perfection wishing the moon to the sky
the sunlight persists, through slats pouring in
the people upstairs are making a din
now is the time
Deftly I turn, put her on my side
let lips meet lips for a morning surprise
all for a smile, so loud in its making
it lives on all day
this princess of mine
perhaps
with elegance in bed
has stolen my time
all smiles
I dont seem to mind
Her morning elegance is one of my dreams

and of her I dreamt dreams,
dreams of beauty seen through glass

pure
no distortion
true to what she was

I dreamt of hands in hands
arms used like covers
sleep in a warm embrace

dreams with no light only need one grin
a laugh bearing brightness
a smile with a sound

I heard her smile today
for the first time I listened

I dreamt of a sweet caress
hands over skin so smooth
a touch that was almost real

now awake a kiss I wish I could steal

dreams beholden to thoughts of a girl
a lady of beauty in mind and true form

now to sleep
for this dreamer must dream

A red heart on my hand, and you in my mind
so little time to see
have lots but little given
another side to watch from
peering into other minds
switch your shoes see where you go
where will you end up
a simple way to learn
yet still hard to comprehend
many words get used
not many matter
what really matters
who really cares
early morning hours
often shed light on crazy thoughts
give life to new meaning
yet words to choose
too careful
I step slow and soft
so as not to disturb the motion
how often I wonder
should I leap
leave the ground behind my feet
sky high in one second flat
leave behind more than shoes
one look forward
dont look back

Titled - Life (2002)

There is an everlasting feeling in everyone. Some people cherish it, let it thrive and flourish and eventually creat this feeling in a new life force. Others despise it and try to destroy it without finding out what it is like to have it thrive. By destroying it they destroy themselves. ALL of these people do not even think that there is someone out there who loves them, and they are all wrong. No matter who you are there is always someone who cares for and loves you. People may not always show that they care but that is because they are afraid of what the world thinks. Do not be afraind of the world or of what it thinks, instead embrace like a brother or sister and use it to its fullest advantage, to make your life great, show it who you really are, not what people say you are. If someone puts you down it's not because they hate you, it's because they don't understand you. You must show them who you really are, not by explaining it to them but by doing what you love to do the most. By doing what you love to do people will be able to understand you and you may change their perspective on life. The only way to accomplish this happiness and understanding is by cherishing these feelings so they can thrive. These feelings are indescribable although you feel them every second of every day. Whether or not the feeling is good at the time it will always be in you to be great. It is your choice to make it what it can be. You can make it great for all to see. So that everyone can value what you are made of and capable of, because no matter who you are you are made of great things that WILL one day change the world and more so change somebody's life. I can guarantee that your life has in some way affected other people's lives. I may not know you and you may not know who I am but hopefully my writing has affected you life or maybe someone elses so that you can treasure your life like you should

The Birth and Death of a Thought - Silence in pen

...
I've never seen eyes so deep
A beauty...
Her walk
Her dance
Her smile
Her laugh
Her stare
I am trying to bare my soul once more
I move to quick to explain my though
I miss the warm feeling of hearts that are shared
I miss the shared blankets
The hugs and the tears
The smiles and the stares
Is that my only purogative?
A selfish want to be loved
Or am I thinking this is for real?
The thoughts are always present though
Anytime I see her I am near head over heel
My heart will swoon, though it hides in my shadows.
This is a feeling, I can't yet explain
For some reason to feel it,
Brings the company of shame
Do I really deserve this, should I try again?
Or do I stop right now, before a friendship is lost?
To quote a good man
"I paint my thoughts on silence"
Silence on paper
Silence in pen

The Birth and Death of a Thought - Silence on paper

I hear her voice from far, and I can't help it
I hide my eyes, pretend I haven't noticed
It feels better this way.
Having to hide my fear
Wanting to be
But afraid to really see
It doesn't help that I can't forget the past,
I've told and been told that never works
Yet still I pray to some hidden god
I pray to forget, and maybe be forgotten
I know which is worse,
Strangely not which is better
My ears can deceive me, and my eyes I can close
My thoughts still persuade me, my heart I keep open
The broken pieces being sewn back together
with threads made from past hurts
Is it even worth the pain?
I know what my heart is,
It can love with strength so pure
And hide with a hate too fierce.
Who am I to decide what is best for me?
Am I really supposed to know?
I don't think it matters,
What is best is what gets done.
Yet

begining to endless

Can you get lost in your lyrics to a point where some sort of mental recovery seems hopeless
Too many words forming too many thoughts cannot even begin to describe
Meloncholy awareness matched with metal anguish put into positive terms
A smile is all it takes
I speak only my truth
your disgression is due and welcome
A new verse to help make the first seem the worst
so smile now and think happy thoughts
bring to mind you favourite sound
now concentrate
open your mind to wonderful possibilities of every kind
my truth is mine because I make it so
dont loose your place though, dont loose your step
for like every step is like a finger on a fret
your choice
your sound
your truth
your life

wrong foot

So I get lost, I, forever forlorn in a free society that costs too much
Im lost now, which way to walk down the winding washed out walkways
I cant place my good foot forward because I cant see where I am walking and Im afraid to step
what might lurk in leary shadows ready to rape and ream whatever it is you dream of
turn the corner to a whole new world, how can you be sure its always the same
creeping corners catch casual commoners completely carefree
where do you want to be?
can you dream of it?
a mind is a beautiful thing that is too easy to dismiss
a floating fleece sheet under which a wandering mind might find true bliss
I dream in fleece of you and me
wandering mind
wandering eye
wandering hand
wanting
so serene should similies seem
where am I...
a dream with you

Wide Wilderness

magic is ever present in the wide wilderness, so take care where you step and keep an open mind to the unknown possibilities of this magical world we live in.

and as I continued to walk through the world, I kept my eyes up and my mind wide as though it were an extension of the vast lands around me.


with every breath I took I made sure to breath deep, because I knew that every breath could bring me closer to you.

A dream of an elm tree, shade in an orchard, a heart made of two carved by me and you...forever etched in woody grain.

I dreamt freely when I tapped the dream tree, it let forth a flow of the unknown. pure. magic. wild

how far can one set of eyes see or how vast can one mind dream? an answer is here, although unlikely it may seem. no science will tell how far you can see or of what you can dream, only...what

only you
only me

Longing to be-
Open to the-
Vast range of-
Eternal ....

For Dave Dewees

How is it in this life that I have chosen to walk without a supposed god inside
My heart is no home for such hopes and dreams to reside
A brother though who walked with the lord
the one true he called almighty
gone now forever...
no more chat, no laughs, no stories
gone but not lost
forever inside of my heart
I hold not onto beliefs in books
but beliefs grounded in the roots of my life
I believed in a friend
I will never forget him
How without book based belief can I ever relieve my grief
I suffer eternally internally for a choice
An homage could not be more befitting of a man so grounded in life and love
A teacher who taught me what it was to truly find love in life
Words spoken clearly, atop a waterfront home
A teacher who taught me how to mend the pains of death
Now where do I go, how do I cope
I want to remember the best of a man, now laying in gods hands
I write despite the fright of the memories
the pain in my heart and the tears on my cheeks
I cannot begin to let go, nor will I try
I write for Love and Life
Rest In Peace Dear Friend
You Will Be Forever Missed

A New Beginning

The title really overrates this piece of writing in front of you
It is indeed overrated.
I haven't written in a while, quite a while actually
and I feel that I miss it greatly at times
so I begin, so to speak
a new beginning
a new place in life
I have a no idea where to go from here
but I think I am moving in the right direction, I guess
I have found a place so amazing
so unique
so full of people who are easily described as the most amazing people I have ever met
that I really don't want to think about what comes next
I want to completely live within this time of my life
but its funny I've heard that before
probably from myself
I like to listen to my heart though
it usually knows what is right
debatable
but I listen and try to get where it wants to be
problem
my brain and my heart do not act as one
this can create problems
I digress
whats next? whats the plan?
don't have one?
whatever.
time to keep moving.

To Sleep

This girl of my dreams
whoever she may be
I cant seem to sleep
without her in my mind
it sometimes feels
every time our eyes might meet
I'd feel it from head to toe
She smiles with eyes so bright
I smile with eyes shut tight
A forbidden feeling
but still it keeps
I pray to sleep
a dreamless night
but lies
I pray to dream

Our ODA

I Love to sit hear surrounded by friends
In a house founded on respect and a little bit fun
We grow together while we lay back and chill
In a room dubbed "The Blue" by my fellow ODA

So many people who all Love this world
Are now in my life for now and forever
I'm laying the roots for a life I can Love
A life full of good times and smiles

Can you learn the meaning in a few short months?
Can you feel this way without ODA?

I can't fully express the Love that I carry
But be guaranteed, never will it waver
To ride, and shred, and punch through a wave
As the start of a life, I feel more brave

This room may be blue
But it's not the right colour
Yes, chill and relaxed it may be
A rainbow could better explain
The whole spectrum of feelings we share

For you ODA
My soul is bared

JIT

Once more I sit at the school,
A deadline to close,
And a workbook still closed.
But fear not my friends,

I am not alone.
A room filled with slackers
is a late assignments dream
a post to lean on
and a hand to lend.

I'm happy to be here
surrounded by friends
whose names
and faces
are etched forever
in endless recognition
to a life changing time

A mind like a sponge
regretfully
I lack
But a heart like mine
is rare in these times

A love unconditional
forever is true
and though Im not with you
your heart is in mine
I cant help but hope
you understand

A poem with no meaning
has more meaning than most
what you read is written for you
take it in as you please

the birth
and the death
of this thought
is mere words away
feel free to stay
read more
please

I ask not for your time
but instead just your mind

and the thought?

not so much a word
as it is a feeling
the word
believe

believe in your self
and believe in me
believe in your beauty
and I will believe in mine
believe in your mind
and be alive in your life

life is not about time
you cant do anything about the length of your life
but you can do something about its width and depth

so live with love in your heart
think with understanding in your mind
and never stop running for whatever you dream
because dreams keep you alive

and dreamers we will be
no.
dreamers we are

What is a heart?

A heart comes in two parts.
One part to live with,
And one part to give with.

My heart has two parts
Sometimes together
And sometimes in two
Mostly forever
Unless I meet you.

One part for me,
And one part for you.

A heart can be broken,
But can it be mended?

A heart can stop beating...
And lungs can stop breathing...

Especially the moment my eyes were in yours

Both can keep keeping
With help
Or alone.

The question remains
what can a broken heart gain?

Does a broken heart
Have the same two parts
Are they changed forever
Until I meet you...

Is a broken heart broken or just missing a piece
A heart can be given
But cannot be taken

So broken hearts aren't broken at all
Simply hiding in silence for loves next call.

The answer remains
A heart has two parts.

One part for me.
And one part for you.

Hidden from far

I hear her voice from far, and I can’t help it
I hide my eyes, pretend I haven’t noticed
It feels better this way,
Having to hide my fear
Wanting to be
But afraid to really see
It doesn’t help that I can’t forget the past,
I’ve told and been told that never works
Yet still I pray to some hidden god
I pray to forget, and maybe be forgotten
I know which is worse,
Strangely not which is better
My ears can deceive me, and my eyes can close
My thoughts still persuade me, my heart stays open
The broken pieces being sewn back together
with threads made from hurt
Is it even worth the potential pain?
I know what my heart is,
It can love with strength so pure
And hide with a hate too fierce.
Who am I to decide what is best for me?
Am I really supposed to know?
I don’t think it matters,
What is best is what gets done.
I’ve never seen brown eyes so deep
A beauty.....
Her walk
Her dance
Her smile
Her laugh
Her stare
I tried to bare my soul once more
I moved to quick to explain my thought
I miss the warm feeling of hearts that are shared
I miss the shared blankets
The hugs and the tears
The smiles and the stares
Is that my only prerogative?
A selfish want to be loved
Or am I thinking this for real?
The thoughts are ever present
Anytime I see her I am near head over heel
My heart will swoon, it hides in my shadows.
This is a feeling, I can’t yet explain
For some reason to feel it,
Brings the company of shame
Do I really deserve this, should I try again?
Or do I stop right now, before a friendship is lost?
To quote, I paint my thoughts on silence
Silence on paper
Silence in pen

a title provided

I try and try and fail each time
to put these thoughts free from my mind

I write an ode in lieu of relief
something sweet to ease the grief

you know me and I know you
but shared words still are few
shared smiles are miles long
nervous glances still exist
shared stares are my hearts song
what can really be so bad about this

Its one song that is truly bliss
and to dance
oh to dance by you
a rhythm to match the beat
a step to keep with feet

my feet like my tongue will stumble for sure
I cant really speak
not in the right way
I talk but words, and what are words
words are our power, our expression, our might
so many words to choose and not one will sound right

its not just the word though
its more deep, from the soul

Known in body
and known in mind
its simple really
wrong place, wrong time

For the past Im sure will remain
This is for friendship
A connection thats true
Im so glad to know
that I know you

An Ode To Nantes

Such a thing is a single note
the start of a feeling
the sense of a memory
I hear for a second
think for an hour
the songs we sang
with the drinks we drank
and the feelings we shared
through endless days
How sweet is the sound of Nantes
just another night to gamble away my fright
it means so much to hear so little
but the words speak truth
they speak of friends now family
and certainly I can hear the laughs
and I can feel the embrace
yet its been a long time now
since I've seen you smile

For Your Mind....

An ode quite simply to benefit the mind
This breath once spoken will hang on in time,

When beauty meets beast and sees with true sight
that is,
Beauty sees whats kept hidden like night
When truly we see
What truly exists
Then together
We can truly be

A world so lost
searching for itself
A future called past
and a past called forgotten
we must stop
take check
and move the right way
for future
like now
is gone in a second

A mile a minute
the beat of a heart
the speed of our feet
To the ends of this land
We spread like wildfire
Bringing our passion
not a person to spare
can we truly teach
this world to care

Once upon a world,
of forests so green
fields lush where waters rushed
of skies so blue
sunsets spotted with clouds so fluffed,

I dreamed a dream
sweet
pure
serene
yet clouds...no haze

A haze in my mind
that does not belong

I dreamed of tomorrow
tonight
and today

I dreamed of the sun
moon
and stars

I dreamed of people
love
and hate

hate
did not belong
a haze
did not belong

Common is sense, that makes no sense
but we the people
the future
the now
must care

The earth
As our child
Is screaming in pain
can you hear?
do you listen?

I do
I try

but truth be told its hard
to be the change
we want in the world

I live by simple principles

Your choices are who you are
Never forget your passions
Never hide what you stand for

When truly we can see what we hide in our minds
then and only then
can we see the change that we make in our lives

Absent Minded

To begin with no beginning
is as, to end with no ending.
a thought to be provoked may linger on minds edge
how to uncover a rhyme worth reading
time worth spending considering absent possibilties
absent minds offer great insight
a depth more pure than most can imagine
yet after saying this I think
whats next?
I look for an answer, a path, or a light
when really I want to type what is right
Right in my mind, is sometimes left on the paper
whatever.
For now this verse shall be here to please
until next time.
With a mind at ease