Hidden from far

I hear her voice from far, and I can’t help it
I hide my eyes, pretend I haven’t noticed
It feels better this way,
Having to hide my fear
Wanting to be
But afraid to really see
It doesn’t help that I can’t forget the past,
I’ve told and been told that never works
Yet still I pray to some hidden god
I pray to forget, and maybe be forgotten
I know which is worse,
Strangely not which is better
My ears can deceive me, and my eyes can close
My thoughts still persuade me, my heart stays open
The broken pieces being sewn back together
with threads made from hurt
Is it even worth the potential pain?
I know what my heart is,
It can love with strength so pure
And hide with a hate too fierce.
Who am I to decide what is best for me?
Am I really supposed to know?
I don’t think it matters,
What is best is what gets done.
I’ve never seen brown eyes so deep
A beauty.....
Her walk
Her dance
Her smile
Her laugh
Her stare
I tried to bare my soul once more
I moved to quick to explain my thought
I miss the warm feeling of hearts that are shared
I miss the shared blankets
The hugs and the tears
The smiles and the stares
Is that my only prerogative?
A selfish want to be loved
Or am I thinking this for real?
The thoughts are ever present
Anytime I see her I am near head over heel
My heart will swoon, it hides in my shadows.
This is a feeling, I can’t yet explain
For some reason to feel it,
Brings the company of shame
Do I really deserve this, should I try again?
Or do I stop right now, before a friendship is lost?
To quote, I paint my thoughts on silence
Silence on paper
Silence in pen