watch the sun come up

a decision is the first incision
weighing options, paths, and problems
figure a direction
perhaps a position
something which will offer more than just simple thoughts
well placed
forgive this intrusion on the page
it lacks meaning
meaninglessly written to provide something
as yet I do not know
so continue
on and on
nothing more than words
one after another
still here?
a realation then
one after the other these words pour out
with no real thought of before or whats next
this is now more direct
in relation to what it is that in my life i am trying to do
moving forward
day to day
writing onword
word to word
now something is falling in line
creative inspiration would be nice in place or creating inspiration
...
pause
hockey for gold
in the women of this countries hand
now more music
new track,
say goodmorning
watch the sun come up
its calling
I want another day with you,
bass lines shivering through a chorus
my mind took a second at the first line
then
I want to take you away
someplace far from here
anywhere else
allow me reflection as I have lost myself
mostly found
mostly on the ground
piecing back together a person from whatever
this is keeping me
holding priorities at bay
funny it seems looking back
what was written
just before
just another night
if only that were true
but its not
I know this and so do you
never will another night be seen by me as just another
...
same song again
third time over
listen as we watch the sun come up
dawn on a new day
you better believe me that I wanted to stay
back where I left so much
a home by the bluff
I want to spend another day with you
and then another probably
carrying on
carrying
twilight seems right
now tonight
another sleep in the trees
snow blown and wind in the boughs offering a sound like no other
I will dream
as dreamers often do
and mostly I hope that it will be of you
and when we meet again
we will watch the sun come up

umbrella under a nice tree

So far gone and hidden from page
purpose built on nothing
when words spring forth
keys are often not close at hand
pen and paper lost in transition
crumpled scraps misplaced as the words poorly placed
...
So where has it gone
this inspiration of mine
do I need constant sorrow to think of tomorrow
for now tomorrow is a mystery my mind refuses to see
day by day gets easier day by day
yet
so much missing
I miss her
and whom will believe she is who I speak of
the most obvious is most obviously not the most
although
a yen still exists
wanting unwanting, no. unwanted wanting now
waning
displacing what was there before
so I move on whilst looking over my shoulder
I turn to stone
a gaze met can kill
direct, meant, ignored
I miss her greatly
dancer in my dreams
drum and bass pumping through my veins
though hidden by a veil, this cannot prevail
strange eyes do I see the world through
strange for me
all that I know
give me shoes and then walk with me
lets follow trails, climb peaks, let the sand push between our toes
where shall we go?

the whole world is my oyster...
so I guess
Im just searching for the pearl

This cannot be the last thing I write...
So I write
I Love You
...
Yes...
you.

Reduce me

use me less than you did before

go and try other things.

Reuse me

use me over and over again

this way, then that way.

Recycle me

use me once then send me back

make me new.

follow these rules
your life will get greener,
realise you cant loose
and enjoy the scenery.

so often it seems
what you want
you cannot have
this creates a certain sense of desire
hard to ignore
ever prevalent
every decision based on one outcome
unforeseen consequences
dreamed up circumstances
a want to act
but a respect to keep
recently wrote by a poet of note
"I am no magician"
but dont all things involving the heart
revolve around the magic within
the feeling must be magic
because there seems no other way to replicate
A mind can know and experience so much
yet still return to the very first step
the magic to hearts involves no real magic at all
this we all know
but still it s a nice dream
I dream of the magic the wilderness holds
I dream one day my heart will be bold
in the face of despair, and convincing I care
A heart is useless without the presence of mind
too much of one thing without the other
only leads to iminint disaster
so love with your heart
and love with your mind
allow yourself distance
force out indifference
most importantly of all
realise the capacity of a heart to love more than one
and never forget to love yourself, your confidence depends on it

"Well I got a bad liver and a broken heart,
yeah, I drunk me a river since you
tore me apart"
- Tom Waits

a recluse

recluse
shut in by shutting out
ignoring everything
remembering everything
truly incorrect I know my ways to be
still continue to dream a dreamers life
for so long so much in one direction
it seems impossible to turn and shift that emotion
it will not go away, I am obsessed with what I cannot have
growing always is the gap inside me, empty, hollow, dark, and lonely
drug filled mind can move with ease, smile, talk, pretend
but surely like rain on the couldiest of dark days
it reverts so the only path easily followed
everything is what I cannot remember
all lost in a toxic, blacked out slumber
everything I cannot ignore
always right at the door
to shut it out, I shut me in
now i become
a recluse

music calms the beast

so much writing here. All to be taken lightly. I write so often when inspiration hits me. speaking in the moment, thoughts without recollection, reflection, or rereading. posted so the latter can be done. later. down the road. I was told writing can help you grow. look back, see how much youve changed. how far you've come. lately I seem to not be moving far, I am stuck in a past I desire so much. I fear for the reader who reads in too much...or at all really. a look back has showed me I am messed up. mentally incapacitated. handicapped in my intellectual self. my mind refuses to work for any another reason, yet provides no actions. writing in disbelief as I continually seek and fail to find the desired relief. no real words have been spoken. all left to words which lack emotion when so much emotion is being spoken. still, crushing pain, this cannot be sustained, soon it will pass, one way or the other, for the better or worse. such is life. one action can so greatly define such a huge portion of your time. your life. your being. your existence. only hope is for understanding after the change. continue to grow. look further back than ever before. grasp where you are. know where you have come from. who were you is the only way to determine "who are you." some roads often traveled leave definite and lasting marks, seen by all who follow the trail. see the evidence of a beaten down trodden path. see who I am. see in my heart, for the moment at least. this is who I am. beaten, broken, belied. for now. I do not like this me. so I must continue on. now sitting in a friendships basement. bass lines and drum beats off beat. provide me with the music to help soothe this beast in my mind, lay it to rest. for me. it has taken too much, cared to little, and left to harshe a mark. I want to just forget.

quietly shedding internal tears
extrovert turned introvert
I cant stop loving
its not in my nature
I want to nurture a change yet I dont know how
get out of my head
constantly quoting myself
over and over

think of something else

ode to sleep

sleep
my old friend
where have you gone?
have you too forsaken me?
do I not deserve some rest?
awake and watching
reading
gaming
thinking
thinking
thinking
no more fruitless dreams
no chance to have and hold
fall into sleep in arms
warmth is missing
a hole burnt with cold
now fixing
but sleep
yet
always tired
tired
thinking
sleep my foe
where did you go?
taking hours
precious time
wasted with dreams
dreams of what
of nothing
of more
guitar strings calling
a tune in my head
too late to strum
land ladies in bed
no love song
no melody
not here
not now
simply put
i guess...
wrong place
wrong time

self examination. ongoing.
A struggle to discover how I fall so hard every time/
My whole life Ive broken things
Told to test equipment because I would really put it the test
accused of constantly being too hard on everything I own.
this now brings a new realization
every time I try to love
success or not
I always end up breaking things
my heart, her heart
doesnt matter
I build it up
with love called pure
my heart and my mind completely commit
yet still
disaster
I seek love so much it seems I am destined to not have it
...
good things given and bad actions break
I spend every waking moment reflecting a mistake
imagine the possibilities, what could have been
but only for a moment
because time is running out
time to move on.
one more scar
hidden beneath skin

Blue fire burning has me constantly yearning
Most desire laid down with particular wants
I seek you out, take you alive
yet not
I am more see through because of this
no mystery can be hidden in an open book
sleeves drenched with emotion
hiding hearts desires, avoiding contact
how can this be only me
how to ease the pain
stab the heart to prevent the want
hood over the eyes
blinded like the falconeers bird, awaiting her next flight
a scent will beat her wings, but still she waits
hooded hunter blinded from the world
until given opportunity, to prove her might
and so I shall become
blind
ignorant
I will use my senses over sight
hear and feel until the time is mine
my heart concealed against its will
surely this will take its toll
until my master, or this case mind
decides I am ready to seek again
fly fast and agile after my only desires
...
pain does not compare to the distinct feeling of despair
failing as a person, a human being, unable to take proper control
wild is my mind in my hearts tow
sadly I am learning
nows the time to let go.
I prefer to be blinded.

who am i.