time to start again, roughly

So some solace please

music playing top forties good and bad

dont seem to understand

where this is all coming from

I can get lost inside of here

wandering wandering forever at a loss

what is the cost

for what will it continue

nothing in general

in general, generalizations are false

so they say

generally

we fail

we fall

we scrape our knees

laying in the dust the dirt and the grime

all for a little time

companion

and a -ship

no misplaced hyphens

...

a pause...

now twice for a track to set into

continue

an oft quoted ode

to a fork in the road

by a man named Frost

leaves me a choice

more travelled or less

go to do what has been done before

so everything

or turn away from it all

the norm

the right or righteous path

I say stray

yes

leave the maps behind

turn off the well beaten path

before there is ever the choice

to be the sheep or alpha wolf

a-type personality

what would you do?

ask a bee

where do you wander?

honey seems so free, the ultimate destruction

a complete intrusion

it's okay though

I will work my life to give you something for nothing

a wooden box you call a home could be nice

I digress...

so force the pause

...---...

call that what you will

distress

6 periods and three hyphens

ramble ramble rust and rancour

of what the above has become so far

tempted to read up but continue to write down

...

so please direct

to whom do I entertain

can I create intrigue here

is that what it's all about

only I know

so you can't tell me

and that is okay

I often feel forlorn

I like to write with words I like

I tend to try alliteration

not there

but below bares better basis

crumpling croutons crush careening carriages consistently containing cucumbers,

devilish demons dare delve deeper down dangerous development dredges,

even eternally emptied ears emit eager elves entirely ether ensconced,

but sense is hard to find

so I hear about how I ran into her heart

and then

a ding

it read

Aaaaaaaaaa eeeeeeeeeeeeeek

from her

I miss

time for a break

god loves exam time

so why don't you?

a dream and a list

I cant seem to sleep, but think of you

so awake I will stay,

for hope

will have me sleep by you

and in a dreamers sleep

with my arms wrapped tight

we'll see the world

...

A list of things in no particular order for no particular reason

- Menage a trois with a schizophrenic

- Bunjee Jump

- Skydive many more times

- Ski down a mountain I hiked up

- Eat ice cream in Naples

- Cliff dive

- Visit Angel Falls (maybe cliff jump there?)

- Paddle the Nahanni River

- Travel over an ocean

- Do a backflip

- See more than the 7 Wonders

- Obtain super power

- Make love in a canoe

- Jump out of a helicopter

- Climb a mountain (Big Wall Style)

- See the 'Burning Man'

- " " " 'Blue Man Group'

- Hike in a rainforest

- See Lava!

- See a cougar in the wild and live to tell about it...

- experience the power of nature forever

- and some more things

sitting here simply wishing

upon a porch with a view to the lake

staring into the east as the sun sets diamonds into the waters

they may last forever

etched in permanence

deeply ingrained

dreaming as though you were by my side

not so far off, but so far away

living a life of simplicity seems not so simple

oh well

listening to new songs

all the while wondering what you think

would you dance to this with me

I would count the minutes but it seems that they will be so many

so instead I count the moments

most have passed

some over a year since

but more I try to create, the what wills

one more time

I'm gonna sit here and think of you

wherever I am I wonder where you are too

I can't wait to hold your hand again

sitting on the side of a crag in the future

we will reach new heights

new found glory

a continuous story

the one of us

cover to cover

many pages to read

so many pages to write

I miss you all ways

so on

They had lights inside their eyes

and with this we search for the fruition of a thought

no less than a submission of a train of thought

as instead I would like to offer the free flow of non-verbal nonsense

How clearly can I see, what do I actually perceive

it's hard to know whats really going on

we look around us and see so many faces

so many minds

....

and this is mine

where does it go

wandering down alleys

more often hidden in the dark

its where I feel right

curled in the fetal position

laying here in wait

but for what

held onto this lingering feeling

something bigger has to happen

some major event

some occurrence that will never occur

I know how to live

made decisions and promises

to others and myself

yet keep only the former

rarely the latter

so often found sitting alone

a mind left to its own devices

so quickly looking to hide in the darkness

no looking at the light

mine is not so far, but just far enough

barely out of reach

together on beds and couches

down rivers and on lakes

and all for what

what is it that we are striving for

always so unsure

but only to myself

cant even picture some of the most basic of things

what it means

line for line

no form, no rhyme

no point

just a vent, blowing stale air

....

a break from reality has left me with less hope than prior to

The great escape

its just a bad day

looking for the way back home

for the great escape

so as a breath falls out

I say

bye bye

My Home

I can't seem to find the words

how to describe something so pure

a wilderness kept serene

As the sun shines through rolling clouds

finding holes in the white mountains above

lighting the horizon line

Islands of pine and spruce

Balsams on the shoreline

and glimmering amongst them all

standing with purity so tall

reflecting the suns rays

Birch trees in radiant grace

This is what I see every day

and I never tire of the natural beauty

This, my world

The Canadian Shield

The powerful pines standing tall

So much life everywhere I look

even the oldest, threatening to fall

fill with homes and sustenance

nothing here is wasted

not even a glance

...

Build me a home with walls of glass

Allow me to forever see outward

I never want to shield my eyes

Never let me hide

True Nature

This is it

hours before I go once again

A place I fell in love with at first stepping in

waters so pure

and trees of grace and history

ancient in their benevolence

holding true to all that we were

in nature with nurture

a love for whats real

how we have changed

sitting typing I barely fell

so many differences from us to them

masking evolution

an erosion of life

slowly removing all that exists

but this

and what is it

so I must continue down this path I have chosen

learn more , forget less

change can be made through voices oft heard

speak freely of feelings for what nature is

keep pages turning, one place to the next

the world your book is only asking your time

no more than that

its loose leaf and bound

in bindings and covers

pages blank awaiting stories and images for lore

so take to more reading, write what is true

our world is the one thing we cannot ignore

I offer this a phrase I once heard

We are often saying, as human beings,

how we have lost touch with nature.

Yet, in truth we are nature.

So, it is misconstrued what we are trying to say.

Nature is not what we have lost touch with.

We have lost touch with ourselves.

Our true nature.

Travel More, Sit Less

Read More, Watch Less

Explore Everything, Forget Nothing

gateway to forever

so here I am sitting lone so early in the morning

wondering what it is that keeps me in mourning

a loss of what from within

will i ever be aware of it

i feel a yearn for this

a desire to be happy

sitting with an imagined you in my arms

dreaming of a sleep more shared

awake to a pillow and fears

your not here

but far away I know whats real

sitting in the wild, floating with a canoe

a paddle and a pack to keep your world

to be able forever to stay outside

this is the life that I build

can I keep it up

mellow tunes aid

inside a head a slow parade

thoughts marching through

flags flying and banners spread

drums drumming

a beat I can flow with

go with

let ride into the sunset

a daily occurrence

permit me this inference

what oft happen day to day

happenings we can be sure of

sunrise, sunset

the only two

add what you will and take what you want

your personal desires

know those of others

an order to follow

not so direct though

shining boots laced to tucked in greens

here lies no army

only a fighter inside of me

I fight for what I truly yearn for

I crave for your embrace

paddle me home

Elephant Shoes

Summer time lovin, has got feel of the sun beating down,

sweat beading from a nervous forehead

no longer can I do you wrong

I can do no harm

I know how to make you smile

I know how to make you laugh

and holding you allows me the first

talking permits the second

I always hold on for just that one more

Can I hold you again

Kiss you in secret

behind closed doors

in corners out of sight

not out of fright

only the importance of a well kept secret

and how I long for you between those shared moments

monumental is a fine descriptor of the feelings kept at bay

early morning kisses to keep until noon

and again until dusk

in this I can trust though

an embrace I remember my entire day

now we've had less than a week together in the last four

it makes our moments seem like so much more

exploding like stars gone super nova

my mind is blinded by your hold

all else looses importance

I hope to dream of you in a canoe

under stary skies and sun filled days spotted with clouds

A light breeze to softly caress as we paddle into more dreams

a tent on a cliffs edge catching both the setting and rise of a brilliant sun

mesh overhead for a starry nights sleep

with you in my arms

only the sounds of the wild to compliment

I could never wish a better soundtrack

a more perfect place

How I want to be with you now

in a few short days to the East coast we will fly

two and two on a journey to new lands

of whales and coastlines

red beaches and green gables

I dream of holding you in hope that I will be in rem when I awake

and hold true to powerful thoughts in my head

you felt embrace to keep me four days

I await your stories

here in this place

my home for now

so happily shared

....

Elephant Shoes

an old song which knows me best

how to remember

simply put

as a time of day

an explosion in the sky

drop the D

offer me sleep

deny me dreams

lose sight

see me as a mar

more alike to a blight

uplifting

times gone now

a summer that starts after tomorrow

slow down

in search for inspiration

how strange does this innocence seem

I cant tell you what it is that I am feeling

Ive denied it for so long now that I dont want to know what it is anymore

Im not gonna leave but I dont know if I can stay

I get down on myself for no real reason

I cant understand why but this is the reason why I left tonight

I didnt have a place

where will we be, what are we doing

from here and now until then and there

such little time it seems were creating a lie

so I will lay thee down to sleep

tuck up and pull in the sheets

but know that I cant commit

no more than I would want to ask you to do

I would say that we have such a short time together

and in this we should make the greatest out of what we are given

but im burning up

I cant tell you what it really is, I can only try to tell you what it feels like

I see you and inside I smile

keep a straight face on the outside

keep this a secret from everyone who already knows

I can get so caught up in my own thoughts that I push things forward so quickly

I am learning to step back now

let be what can be and not force you into me

with this thought I hope to grow

to be more likely to never feel sorrow

...

lies to self

unfortunate feelings

sated emotion

gorgeous lady

hidden

I keep me out of sight

prevent the end

bring into the light

I try to not care so much

to keep at bay my habits

I fall so quickly so often

I need to step back

pinch my arm

this isnt really a dream

my real life

a piece of a tree floating freely down river

following the ebb and flow of tide and eddy

taking the path of least resistance

but I always find the deadly features

a recirculation

over and over, loosing my breath

cant keep my head above water

pulled down to the green room

an undercut keeps me pinned

praying for a safety line

but it takes too long

what it feels like to drown

watch me burn

ashes floating

skyward

heat pushing high

coming to rest where the wind blows best

a campfire shining in the night

hold you warmth, create a comfort

I could hold you in my arms

sincerely

if you will allow

her story

I have stories

still being written

day by day

offers page to page

though more often not so inclusive

certain events offer more than others

no doubt

the problem of the matter is which tend to receive more press

I hope that whats written will later help live

to live and to learn

first I must read

looking back oft for the sake of looking

stories were written for my eyes only

I want to write about the good for now

I wish to learn for that too

I met a girl, a long year ago

at a place I adored from day one

I couldn't understand what to do just then

I lived and I learned

a group of amazing people

with ties leading back to shared childhoods

inviting me in with no abandon

quickly we all became friends

I tried to keep feeling like friends to them all

but that was more hard than I thought

for twelve days we tripped

down lakes and down rivers

with 14 in tow, youth trying to grow

the wilderness took over

and nature took hold

I had to keep from being too bold

and at the last night

I sat all alone

pictures of memories

not soon forgotten

and then she came and sat with me

said something stupid

we kissed

glory

red hot faces tempting tongues

then back to the dance

although soon to sleep

and for two weeks we met

saw your friends and mine

until school started up

few hundred miles as the crow would fly

touch was kept, feelings were tucked away

these had no place, so foreign at times

the next time I saw you I had to be calm

a hug was all I could offer

and for weeks I did not know what to do

I had to

I did

and now to hold her tight in my arms

listen to her breathing as we fall into dreams

I don't know whats better

secret are kisses, to keep from display

hidden hallways and shacks, behind walls kept away

how much I like her is hard to measure

so much affecting, than just simple feelings

this beautiful place, coupled with her sweet and amazing grace

what I do know, it's been more than a pleasure

She is my privilege

And that I'll remember

A Soul to Teach

how to say what you ever want to say

dont make up words and place them in sentences

act those sentences out in situations created in your head

gone over and over

like an actor practicing lines in front of the bathroom mirror

but never entering the stage

you can only make it so far by staying behind the curtains

so do as you wish

or wish you could do

its really up to you

make whatever it is you want come true

there is no need to be lonely anymore

read that those who live to love more often give than receive

and this more often causes pain

but its not really to your heart

but into loves pure vanity

you can love so much and question why love is not yours in return

but you know the answer for the sake of the asking

the answer is to keep your heart bound

Ive let mine wander around

its foolish it seems

bodies offer language which is the hardest to read

you speak of different languages, regional dialects, class distinctions

these have the ability to fall into place

be translated and understood

bodies speak the minds truth

a landscape which is far more unique than any other found on earth

a beauty hidden deep in the lines of a face, the edge of a smile

the crease in the forehead giving away a hidden frown

more subtle though, the shift of a knee, the flick of a lash

pull on an ear and play with your hair

these are specific to more than just an area of the earth

to each individual and separate method

I dont know how to search anymore

I dont know if I want to

one thing is said and another is meant

you should have known

why dont you know

so stop

teach my soul

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

The night began on a log cabin porch

Sun drifting lazily under the tree line

The sounds of oven birds and loons to complement the mood

With you by my side it could not have been better

We sat and we watched

With cold beers in hand

Talked travel and good times

And of that which would come

And as the day waned away

The colours came out to play

A lake shimmers purple

Under our northern sunsets glow

We drank and we laughed

Asked beer for life and scratched

You had to etch

Damn corona

And as the day turned to night

With the stars came more friends

More beers

More laughs

This is truly the place to be

To watch you smile is really a gift

But then kicked the beers and a desire to drift

Lets go swimming

And down to the lake we went

Dancing and falling along the path

We reached the beach

Do you want to have fun?

Of course.

So we stripped from our clothes

Left dry on the shore

Ran to the edge and jumped into the black

Chilly, but warm

This was a good idea

Swimming around you and floating together

Shared kisses and smiles while staying above

Its cold now

Out we must run

Share bodies, share heat

We walked to the top, stumbling here and there

A warm shower it seemed would be so nice a treat

The wash house was deemed, a solid retreat

Gain warmth

Your eyes and your smiles belie your main grief

So let me away you to the comfort of home

Your bed and your sheets offer more than just sleep

We can talk until day breaks

And whisper or kiss

Are you awake?

Yes.

Do you want to have fun?

To hug and to hold, is to keep from the cold

For this I am here

I will not turn away

The strange feeling in the morning

As though I knew I must pretend

This is not your desire

And from here you repent

I will shade what I feel

For hopes I can steal

That one morning kiss

Before I dismiss

I should go.

what do you think

So I've got a little problem

sitting sick in bed

wishing it was yours

or mine with you would be fine

I never new that I never had a clue there

are you capable

am I

I lost all your world a long time ago

and when she said

what are we, because its not that

I am so glad you phoned me

it was just what I needed

but then she said sorry

I did not believe her

and the pinch then woke me

no phone near

are you capable

can we all get this high

can this burn all night

can I

....

first to a song

second from anon

yet another

coincidence

its about a girl

paused though, unwanted for the moment

this piece needs some semblance that has no influence

music creates new pathways for thoughts to travel

this I feel needs a more acapella feel

so sounds but those which travel freely

Ive come to my own understanding that it is myself I still understand the least

Ive spent hours training to know many things

become slow to be smooth because smooth is so fast

I can save and prevent, foresee and assess

yet all of this pertains to a less personal means

I have paths wished to follow

and barriers Ive created

loves I founded, and sadly left behind

I wish to be more free

of debt, and of woe

so to this I make plans of where I shall go

two years have passed since I left my first home

the places Ive been have shaped my outlook

the people Ive met have shaped how Ive grown

...looking for lost words has shown my digression

I hold back with my heart

that is all really

I wish to be free from my own sense of fear

to love freely and embrace each pain

these help shape and prove that were human

indeed everyone must know this

for us who romanticize

are destined to hide love behind lies

I will curtail my passions

to watch just one more movie

and know that you will still sit by my side

I can share my arms with you

and will continue to do so

you claim to have bears...

I claim to fight them.

from nothing to something, I will be there

So sit and wonder

Go away simply to return

if nothing strive to learn all ways

do what you know in ways you do not

reach for the surface as though your trapped beneath

these words may mean something

to you, they are from me

I follow patterns with proses

offer odes to something or nothing all at once

I oft not know what it is that I write of

and in this sense I yearn to be taught

He who knows, but knows not that he knows, you must teach him

words from Bruce Lee

understand that words when spoken have more power than fists

or a kiss

yet most actions speak of greater things than words

being told to act as you are, is a way of saying

lie about who you are, because you cannot act this part

better said to be who you are

I was told

to be me

I know people claim to like this person

I do at times as well, often though less than I ought to

I dream of canoes and maneuvers

of a paddle adorned with a loon

of a teacher who taught more than just lessons

and of the people I love in my life

it is likely that I have dreamt of you

maybe once

I dream this things through restless nights

alone under sheets holding a pillow in lieu

I often think back, to an opinion I trust

an opinion of a person was so often correct

I relate myself to those words so often

hopeless and romantic

and unfortunate duo

I love to love so much that I am truly scared to do so

I will hold you so tight, and keep you warm in my embrace

share kisses and hugs and beds

but my heart is mine for the taking

and this is something I fear

I choose to not be stolen

and for this I suffer at length

.....

words make me who I am

but these words mean so very little

I find myself writing what I know best

and this is what I wish to change

this spring I choose to be new

like the trees and the plants of the earth around me

from a dormant-like death

to new life in a leaf

renew who you are, but always be you

a challenge presented, and one to upkeep

I can honestly say this

I love you

whoever you are

and I will hold you and hug you

keep you warm in the night

share stories and sheets

and respect what we share

I am not in search of Lovers

nor household, nor rings, nor leashes

I move freely through life with all that I've learned

and if you wish to share, I am glad to be there

Ode to Green River

in fifteen minutes

where will you be in this city

I will wait for your call

a little bit in need of a drink

I think

until then, out of tune music is my friend

river destination has shown a new and unknown world

desolate and grey

sand washed white water

turned a light shade of brown

the ebb and flow of mountain waters

eroding flesh in corrupted waters

land managers selling souls to oil men

but beauty like never before

canyon walls reaching higher than sight can perceive

a hike to beat you heart, rock holds stand loosely

a cactus to keep you aware

but not to hold

ask Alan

and a view from the top

magnificent

canyons and desert stretching as far as the eye can see

under a sun beating down

half filled canoes crashing standing waves

bow first into holes where afts smash down

cracked skid plate

oh well

tighten the thigh strap and do it again

this was a daily vision

sun and sand, dirt and dead animals

such loose and sparse vegetation

wild horses and a wandering coyote

free range cattle and hundreds of scale backed lizards

etchings on the canyon walls left by natives nearly 1500 years ago

lends mystery to a landscape like mars

and a wild bunch once roamed

switching horses in the canyons shelter to aid a bandits escape

and still

in all this heat within a storied world

snow rests atop the canyon mountains

giving praise to seasons end and yet flowers bloom

to this place I must return

....

In the nothing above I hope for translation

a brief glimpse without a picture

no image to aid the description

how to recreate what it is that we've done

I do not know

I will tell stories in the months to come

to many friends and paddlers alike

and in my voice I hope to give justice

to this other worldy beauty

nine friends

peers in a program like no other

planned for months to embark

the River was The Green

through Desolation Canyon

and into the Grey

two vehicles and one trailer

host to six days gear

four kayaks

two canoes

and those nine

we left with smiles on our faces

music playing the background

and hopes for the future deeply inset

so for two and half days we drove

stopping for food and snack

the occasional frisbee to keep up the tempo

we drove through our forests and into there prairies

from hills to the flats and then a slow rise

elevation felt and seen all around

rockies in the distance seemingly profound

we arrived in a small town

coke on one side and pepsi on the other

and our outfitter in the middle

River Run Transport

from here our plans soon came into reality

no longer were we imagining our packed raft

but reassessing what we brought packed

barrels into bags

food into coolers

water in jugs

and a container for our waste

we learned long ago and will continue to let grow

a desire for our trips and those to come

of our trace

we will leave none

mere footprints in sand.

with our raft far in the lead

we drove to sandwash

our put-in

this was the beginning of the beauty to come

through the desert, past oil and rigs

slowly our descent was obvious

as canyon walls rose

something we have never seen before

this was clearer now than ever

we were in for a trip we would never forget

forever young

will I really be forever young, listening to songs that remind me of yesterday, or so it would seem. I remember some things as though in my mind they are on video, picture perfect smiles and laughs. Shall we reminisce of what we missed out on, what cant be undone. I rely on words at times when words do me no help, no justice. a little ambition bought from a story teller. If we could live forever what would be the rush, slow down and speak to me gorgeous. no bullshit. I will be here forever, but not for too long. I hear these music for me, the sad man. forever young. a tune brings more memories, a graduation lost and one to come. the end.

chameleon

Recently read revelation
we come to learn things in our lives
mistakes are more often our teachers
even over and over
its not an option anymore
a responsibility to a freudian self
dont let lessons drift into disrememberance
what we dont repeat to ourselves
we are destined to repeat with err
mar our vision with metaphorical mud in the eye
dont allow anything to go unsaid
for these are the words that will haunt your forever
biggest regrets, the things we rue
were words you conjured
but never delivered
so take your time if you must
but keep watch on your wrist
give birth to your thoughts
allow your ideas to grow
and in the end if all you brought about was an end
the birth of the death of a thought is nothing to keep you distraught
give pause to whats said and done
allow time to pass
time is not an enemy to those who need not hide
your skin is the same wherever you go
no change is made in idle
be true and keep to truth
liars lie more to themselves than anyone else
...
an adage as an end:

Tomorrow will never be now,
Yesterday is gone forever,
Today is simply the tomorrow you worried about yesterday,
So its time to live in the now,
Be present.

In Lieu of anything better

It would seem as though something is now missing
I think its not far off
seen easily with unclouded eyes
a vision less marred
so I must continue to add this or that
then take whichever away when its doesnt fit
this inspiration, not really that at all
more sought after
seeking clarity in this time of social brevity
coming to an end far too quickly
two years spent, and change in return
so many stories, walls and buildings screaming their tales
architectual silence to all but those with the right minds
and weve come this far
to now look all the way back at who we were
where were we going, did anyone know
does anyone now, with all that we now know it seems like more doors opened for the ones that have closed
and so many trails of ink, spilt on paper
ending with consistent spots...
after the other they fall in place with a small carpel dab
I know not of what I speak, and this I know, therefore you must teach me
I will guide you to an understanding, we will tie the loose ends together
hanging on a ledge, bracing on impact as though the fall were real
a night time tic, twitch to open eyes and see...
nothing again
darkness is no longer my friend
and how I wish I had a poem to keep me up
something to look at, say why did you do that
no reason, just staying awake
apnea is a strange word
improper english, I couldnt sleep because i found 'an pea'
....
nonsense, letting pieces fall
places set with out a place to sit
turn up my bass
booster will take me to space
I sit with headphones on
music creating a void
I need not think of anything else
but bass lines drum kicks and guitar riffs
maybe that was a micro-Korg...
maybe...

If I were to you
what you are to me
what could we be
could it be true
would it seem real
if we were a team
what some call a dream
maybe lessen the ordeal
I've called on my friends
and heard from good men
so many lessons I've learned
yet what have I earned
gained understanding
made personal amends
so what to take away
from all of this
to keep in the front of my mind
...
poor poetry has become what I know
less and less it seems to help grow
so soon again I must look back
make sure to understand
what I claim to understand
I see stars in my mind
so distant
so beautiful
shimmering brightly on a blank canvas
gone in the bright light
and back in the black
to relate what I mean
to something I know
when stars reach the sky
and show their true beauty
you reach for the dream
and see that its too far
so back to the ground, the earth you must sit
and know that this beauty
must not have been meant
not for your hands, not in your arms
but simply for eyes to give blessing
and then when you least expect
a star will shoot across the sky
lighting up the darkest night
falling to earth, alit and aflame
these I must seek
go far and head wide
and when I discover the place where its landed
then I can settle for what I have found
an angel I seek, in ink I will keep
forever till time has called in my life
till then I will travel to the ends of this earth
so I know what it is that I love the most
...
Most Beautiful Star In My Starry Night
Let Me See Where You Intend To Be
Shimmer With Might
I Will Keep You In Sight
....
poetry it seems has escaped me
my means for expression
turns into digression
I have no prose
no path
no purpose
in writing these words
My only hope
is my words will grow
and learn to write
what it is that I know
and what it is that I dont
...
enough

This seems a good place to begin
somewehere more comfortable
someplace I know
with people I love
seperate worlds colliding in unison
seeking similar goals
lifestyles coninciding
and soon
all around the world
these people I know I hope to meet again
Its a scary thought, when time runs out
days spent together
memories made will not be forgotten
Im sure the thoughts will resurface often
but we are all travelling our personal roads
some dirt, some gravel
no matter
the pursuit of happiness needs less in common
I call myself a dreamer
but really, I rarely dream
as a nighttime sleep
but during days, off in a haze
bring me back
I will be here once more
sharing stories and smiles of lore
times too important to pass over
everything shining bright in my mind
always
I'll be good
....

The Great Escape

A new bad day has come upon us
day to day we can never make the inevitable go away
how long must you search before you turn to dust
new doors and brighter suns
a great escape is fine as a concept
yet seems to relate too closely to running away
hiding from truth like a child playing hide and seek
dont let yourself fall down
your strong
your influence on the world is greater than you know
so look today for what it is you need
continue on, moving up this life your building
you cant leave behind the things you are
breathe and embrace
by and by these things we see will come to pass
another looking glass for war to rage on
your life, your mind, remember....yours
its ok to be afraid
you dont need to win everyday
but when you loose, dont be afraid
dont hide your shame, its not real
merely a feeling
on your bad day when your looking for your great escape
remember me

"Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired" - Robert Frost

I came across this piece from Robert Frost and couldn't help but pause and try to ponder how I thought about it. I cannot agree more that love is an irresistible desire, my own life and actions in many different walks of my own life have proven this too me to be true. Yet that is just to me, and the other romantics in this world, always seeking the sweet ideal of that one other person with whom we can share all that we are and in turn have them share who and what they are back. A seemingly never ending pursuit of what is here called the desire to be desired, and irresistibly. That would be so nice, I often think of people in my life who seem to always have someone else knocking at their door, and I can't help but think how great that could be, without trying they have become irresistibly desired, yet the don't share that same desire that I do, for the most part it would seem. Which only leads me to believe that to be of constant desire to someone out there could have the potential to create a want to wane this desire within yourself, let ebb the tide that rises inside when the heart tries to involve. So to live life for now with basic idea of just saying "fuck it" seems about right. I find a subtle enjoyment in the tasks and challenges that life throws in my direction and even though these challenges have there toll on my persona for some times what seems like ages, a new person can emerge at the end of it all stronger, smarter, perhaps better than before. Robert Frost is a very good Canadian poet and author, I think I need to read more of his works.

From the same source as the Robert Frost piece I found this:
"the meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed." - Carl Jung

I like this a lot because its meaning or underlying concept is far more broad in its outreach than the other I wrote about. How many people in my life can I say have actually changed who I am? Recently I could name a lot of people, but how many really did actually affect, either positively or negatively, who it is that I am in this world. I have but a few really good friends with whom I am willing to share my personal thoughts and ideas beyond simple writing and shit shooting. Those are people who definitely transformed my being and my personality, in all cases for the better and some for the worse as well. The thing I can't help but think about this concept of chemical substances and reactions is of the magnitude of this chemical reaction and its subsequent affect on personality. How the gravity of certain situations can so adversely affect so much about a personality, and do so very quickly. Recovery from these occasions can be such a test of your own drive to be who you want to be, and to not let anything keep you down. But then I tend to fall into that category a lot so it makes sense that my mind could jump to such conclusions. At any rate I think what can be taken away from this particular piece is that meeting people is an important part of helping to create who you are, allowing you many different points of view and ideals worth living for and allowing you to build who you are from those views and ideals, perhaps shaping, if even finitely, how it is you see this world of ours and how you intend to spend your days here. But I will always remember that sometimes if left unchecked, these reactions of chemical significance can be devastating and require a lot of cleaning up down the road.

We are who we are because this is who we allow ourselves to be, morals and ideals are the building blocks of all great people, be sure to understand your own as you go out into the world. I understand that I have morals and ideals and that by living my life I will find as many different people and places to help and shape what those are.

Love is an ideal that for now I cannot deal with, though bring on the chemistry

who are we
to say what we mean
times and trials feign to create who we are
we offer our perception
no more
too often less
sitting in corners holding our tongues
pretending to be what were not
not with purpose do we hide our skin
but out of neccessity
to become what is norm
what will be thought of us if we speak with our minds
what will become of us
a momentary pause in the midst of it all
a mind moving around a time frozen place
seeing all there is and deceiving only ourself
hectic movements from the corner of our eyes
now symmetry
together as it should be
one two three, four
on the last a kick

now to begin a piece
turn on a song
could be important
although
doesnt have to be
close my eyes and let the music sink in
now it matters
a sound that creates or relates to thoughts I am thinking
put them down for now
Lately my sounds have come from one source
given for shared ears
headphones play the latest tune
aloud I will kill, scream for what is real
what is true, what belongs and what must go
I hear what I am told to listen
so listen with ears obeying
to every word
every change in tempo
the beat switches and my mind flips
I listen and hear
I dream of sunrises and hands in hands
I want to hold your hand while your screaming for the kill
and in the morning
when the dew has settled
a horizen alit with fire
I will be sure to keep steadfast my grip
hundreds of miles can seperate two beings
or merely a few feet
its not physical distance that has me stuck in this mystical trance
no more greater are my woes than the sorrows of another
attempt to avoid a rush
blood to the head
allow time to deal with what times does best
heal
and sounds we can sing when the future is ours
a past was forsaken for another who had played their cards
pushed forward stacks, and gone all in
A bed shared or a couch or a floor
either way arms in arms and legs wrapped in legs
two as one embracing with one small difference
an invisible yet undeniable fence
do not cross where here you tread
for what it is that lies ahead
worse than knowledge
its the uncertain of what will be
of the actors on stage hidden behind velvet
when to the world is raised the curtain
see how we move, how we sing, how we dance
do you approve, will we hear a clap
or a pin drop
a head get hot
and a gap forever uncrossed
we lie in wait for what it is we can create
future sounds of uncertainty
no rythm, only feet
no, miles
for now we write a play for later
....
how much is too much and how far too far

My Daily Crossword

No Return
have I done this one
I dont think
thats three to do
open to see a clue I remember
coincidence maybe
two clues I remember
damn
I think Tuesdays done on Mondays night
early morning seeking new words
a challenge to keep
my daily routines
not many, so this is made easy
check the clue then storm the brain
let words spill forth
understand definition
search for connections
inside and out
the box is a box only when put together
so if its taken apart
neither inside nor out
aha
on top
I figured it out
my madness on early morning gridlines
still I have no clue
how do they do it
oh well
some things are better left to those better at it
I will simply enjoy and offer my thanks by striving for times
my daily routine
the globe and the mail
small maple leaf icon
atop a page in a tab labeled 'Cross...'
Options
Exit Puzzle
'Solve This Puzzle'
....
I think I will

Ode to the great man who left me a note

A complete human being must love and feel pain, experience both and all in between. Cruel is the balance of good versus evil, it seems so easy to dismiss the former in view of the latter. love versus pain. which effects most, that which you let in this lifes great test...I guess. Raised to percieve the world with compassion, in some way I understand my selfish need for some passion. A desire was learned through a yen for more, why still do the ones cared for seem to have to go. Individual direction is cause for my hearts minds imperfection, lack of understanding, or rather, unwillingness to do so in timely fashion. Yes they do hurt, yes we bellow with tears creasing lines, experience pain, embellish our words to relish in what is gone until we learn to open our eyes again. A painful memory stored deep away, thought on with sad songs but still, we learn to cherish what was done and what has gone. Unexpecting surprises or new places, the next leg up, this is the test to moving on, allowing to let feet continue to move forward proverbially so. New love seems an old adage, but I learn from written words. So in the end I will learn that it is care I must take, and away from every place and every surprise, unexpect the expected and allow for the pursuit to continue. - new words to offer new perspective, a reflection in a carnival glass, we know what we look like, but still our eyes can be tricked. time to enjoy the festival that is this world. - love Son

turn it on
power it up
pass the word
wait for the rest
images flicker
icons jump out
click the haloed e
first link on the bar
wait for the rest
images flicker
white screen turns blue
first things first
whos with me
always look first for you
its something
I can not pretend not to do
bottom right this time
little blue man
admit my status
search again
click the name
begin to type
pause
what should I write
I know
type
wait
enter
wait
....
is this routine

symbols mean a thousand words

Could it be a heart left anonymously?
or was that just saying greater than three? <3
I will go with heart
easy to perceive
this heart placed with no name
do not kiss and tell
good words to kiss with
blindfold me and kiss me again
I wont tell them who you are
hidden from the world
away from leering eyes
...
your simple sign of affection
admirer shrouded in secret
no digital signature to reveal a name
more simple this heart can be
simply purveying a shared emotion
one which was read from written words
I understand your words they said
I know what here you write
yet
what to write
secret admirations from anonymous
I read what you have written
not in word but symbol
representing picture
a thousand more words than I have written
I know what ther you wrote
yet
what to write...
simple
<3
Thanks for understanding

watch the sun come up

a decision is the first incision
weighing options, paths, and problems
figure a direction
perhaps a position
something which will offer more than just simple thoughts
well placed
forgive this intrusion on the page
it lacks meaning
meaninglessly written to provide something
as yet I do not know
so continue
on and on
nothing more than words
one after another
still here?
a realation then
one after the other these words pour out
with no real thought of before or whats next
this is now more direct
in relation to what it is that in my life i am trying to do
moving forward
day to day
writing onword
word to word
now something is falling in line
creative inspiration would be nice in place or creating inspiration
...
pause
hockey for gold
in the women of this countries hand
now more music
new track,
say goodmorning
watch the sun come up
its calling
I want another day with you,
bass lines shivering through a chorus
my mind took a second at the first line
then
I want to take you away
someplace far from here
anywhere else
allow me reflection as I have lost myself
mostly found
mostly on the ground
piecing back together a person from whatever
this is keeping me
holding priorities at bay
funny it seems looking back
what was written
just before
just another night
if only that were true
but its not
I know this and so do you
never will another night be seen by me as just another
...
same song again
third time over
listen as we watch the sun come up
dawn on a new day
you better believe me that I wanted to stay
back where I left so much
a home by the bluff
I want to spend another day with you
and then another probably
carrying on
carrying
twilight seems right
now tonight
another sleep in the trees
snow blown and wind in the boughs offering a sound like no other
I will dream
as dreamers often do
and mostly I hope that it will be of you
and when we meet again
we will watch the sun come up

umbrella under a nice tree

So far gone and hidden from page
purpose built on nothing
when words spring forth
keys are often not close at hand
pen and paper lost in transition
crumpled scraps misplaced as the words poorly placed
...
So where has it gone
this inspiration of mine
do I need constant sorrow to think of tomorrow
for now tomorrow is a mystery my mind refuses to see
day by day gets easier day by day
yet
so much missing
I miss her
and whom will believe she is who I speak of
the most obvious is most obviously not the most
although
a yen still exists
wanting unwanting, no. unwanted wanting now
waning
displacing what was there before
so I move on whilst looking over my shoulder
I turn to stone
a gaze met can kill
direct, meant, ignored
I miss her greatly
dancer in my dreams
drum and bass pumping through my veins
though hidden by a veil, this cannot prevail
strange eyes do I see the world through
strange for me
all that I know
give me shoes and then walk with me
lets follow trails, climb peaks, let the sand push between our toes
where shall we go?

the whole world is my oyster...
so I guess
Im just searching for the pearl

This cannot be the last thing I write...
So I write
I Love You
...
Yes...
you.

Reduce me

use me less than you did before

go and try other things.

Reuse me

use me over and over again

this way, then that way.

Recycle me

use me once then send me back

make me new.

follow these rules
your life will get greener,
realise you cant loose
and enjoy the scenery.

so often it seems
what you want
you cannot have
this creates a certain sense of desire
hard to ignore
ever prevalent
every decision based on one outcome
unforeseen consequences
dreamed up circumstances
a want to act
but a respect to keep
recently wrote by a poet of note
"I am no magician"
but dont all things involving the heart
revolve around the magic within
the feeling must be magic
because there seems no other way to replicate
A mind can know and experience so much
yet still return to the very first step
the magic to hearts involves no real magic at all
this we all know
but still it s a nice dream
I dream of the magic the wilderness holds
I dream one day my heart will be bold
in the face of despair, and convincing I care
A heart is useless without the presence of mind
too much of one thing without the other
only leads to iminint disaster
so love with your heart
and love with your mind
allow yourself distance
force out indifference
most importantly of all
realise the capacity of a heart to love more than one
and never forget to love yourself, your confidence depends on it

"Well I got a bad liver and a broken heart,
yeah, I drunk me a river since you
tore me apart"
- Tom Waits

a recluse

recluse
shut in by shutting out
ignoring everything
remembering everything
truly incorrect I know my ways to be
still continue to dream a dreamers life
for so long so much in one direction
it seems impossible to turn and shift that emotion
it will not go away, I am obsessed with what I cannot have
growing always is the gap inside me, empty, hollow, dark, and lonely
drug filled mind can move with ease, smile, talk, pretend
but surely like rain on the couldiest of dark days
it reverts so the only path easily followed
everything is what I cannot remember
all lost in a toxic, blacked out slumber
everything I cannot ignore
always right at the door
to shut it out, I shut me in
now i become
a recluse

music calms the beast

so much writing here. All to be taken lightly. I write so often when inspiration hits me. speaking in the moment, thoughts without recollection, reflection, or rereading. posted so the latter can be done. later. down the road. I was told writing can help you grow. look back, see how much youve changed. how far you've come. lately I seem to not be moving far, I am stuck in a past I desire so much. I fear for the reader who reads in too much...or at all really. a look back has showed me I am messed up. mentally incapacitated. handicapped in my intellectual self. my mind refuses to work for any another reason, yet provides no actions. writing in disbelief as I continually seek and fail to find the desired relief. no real words have been spoken. all left to words which lack emotion when so much emotion is being spoken. still, crushing pain, this cannot be sustained, soon it will pass, one way or the other, for the better or worse. such is life. one action can so greatly define such a huge portion of your time. your life. your being. your existence. only hope is for understanding after the change. continue to grow. look further back than ever before. grasp where you are. know where you have come from. who were you is the only way to determine "who are you." some roads often traveled leave definite and lasting marks, seen by all who follow the trail. see the evidence of a beaten down trodden path. see who I am. see in my heart, for the moment at least. this is who I am. beaten, broken, belied. for now. I do not like this me. so I must continue on. now sitting in a friendships basement. bass lines and drum beats off beat. provide me with the music to help soothe this beast in my mind, lay it to rest. for me. it has taken too much, cared to little, and left to harshe a mark. I want to just forget.

quietly shedding internal tears
extrovert turned introvert
I cant stop loving
its not in my nature
I want to nurture a change yet I dont know how
get out of my head
constantly quoting myself
over and over

think of something else

ode to sleep

sleep
my old friend
where have you gone?
have you too forsaken me?
do I not deserve some rest?
awake and watching
reading
gaming
thinking
thinking
thinking
no more fruitless dreams
no chance to have and hold
fall into sleep in arms
warmth is missing
a hole burnt with cold
now fixing
but sleep
yet
always tired
tired
thinking
sleep my foe
where did you go?
taking hours
precious time
wasted with dreams
dreams of what
of nothing
of more
guitar strings calling
a tune in my head
too late to strum
land ladies in bed
no love song
no melody
not here
not now
simply put
i guess...
wrong place
wrong time

self examination. ongoing.
A struggle to discover how I fall so hard every time/
My whole life Ive broken things
Told to test equipment because I would really put it the test
accused of constantly being too hard on everything I own.
this now brings a new realization
every time I try to love
success or not
I always end up breaking things
my heart, her heart
doesnt matter
I build it up
with love called pure
my heart and my mind completely commit
yet still
disaster
I seek love so much it seems I am destined to not have it
...
good things given and bad actions break
I spend every waking moment reflecting a mistake
imagine the possibilities, what could have been
but only for a moment
because time is running out
time to move on.
one more scar
hidden beneath skin

Blue fire burning has me constantly yearning
Most desire laid down with particular wants
I seek you out, take you alive
yet not
I am more see through because of this
no mystery can be hidden in an open book
sleeves drenched with emotion
hiding hearts desires, avoiding contact
how can this be only me
how to ease the pain
stab the heart to prevent the want
hood over the eyes
blinded like the falconeers bird, awaiting her next flight
a scent will beat her wings, but still she waits
hooded hunter blinded from the world
until given opportunity, to prove her might
and so I shall become
blind
ignorant
I will use my senses over sight
hear and feel until the time is mine
my heart concealed against its will
surely this will take its toll
until my master, or this case mind
decides I am ready to seek again
fly fast and agile after my only desires
...
pain does not compare to the distinct feeling of despair
failing as a person, a human being, unable to take proper control
wild is my mind in my hearts tow
sadly I am learning
nows the time to let go.
I prefer to be blinded.

who am i.

this is the time for forced understanding
pull it out, let it be
good mornings lately seem rare
music in my ear
from am to pm
constant distraction from a crippled reality
watching crows soar overhead
examing every beat of the wing
turn through the wind
all for one reason
so as to not look down.
keep your head up
way up
eyes out of sight
do not show your fears.
faded green shoes walking away
footprints to prove
ignored greeting
avoid contact
these nights in trees with howling winds
shelters built from fallen limbs
insulated with hay and down bags
asleep in freezing weather
never better.
to avioid and ignore is not a real tactic
only helps in creating a chasm
so deep and wide in will bleed out all thats inside
a rivers flow can etch a history
easily read by those who see
carving tales of highs and lows
the health and wealth of surrounding lands is so direct in comparison
within this soliliquy lies a meaning
without reading
who can really see the histories behind these eyes
the highs and the lows
the yearning
or
the burning
for desire
...
my music will play on
currently quiet
explosions in the sky

I wake up every morning thinking of you,
so when I see you in the morning
I try to not like you.
By noon I realise I've been an ass all morning
I want to apologize
but I dont.
I dont think you care.
Its hurts the most,
or perhaps confuses the most...
you told me you missed me
but never gave me a chance
ignored and then quit.
I know that the future is uncertain
time together is way to short
and distances soon to be apart are nothing short of expansive.
This to me does not mean that there is not point,
I like you, you liked me
the best we could have done was enjoy that time together
made sense
to me at least, maybe I need to learn to speak
maybe you need to be less of a "puss"
...
your word
not mine.
the only problem here
is that to truly enjoy our time together
for me
that means not just you
but us.

so broken we may lay here
thinking of very little
nothing short of a preordained sense of disdain
yet , the drum rolls on
a life like beat
movement always
never slows
moving forward until it is sure that it shows,
showing is a trick. magic of the mind.
to perceive one must agree to decline,
in sense of not mental capacity, but imaginary opacity
free the limits,
let all come in
do not famish your mind with a life like a line,
straight forward.
no change.
this is not right, but left is no answer
a simile it seems is not so serene,
taken out of place
out of mind, out of body
taken to a place
use your mind and feel your body,
but not where they are
floating further, deeper into serenity
a place where theory
is a simple relativity.
yet to find reason, purpose in dreaming?
dream to relieve all that you perceive to be wrong and unwise, realise the lies, and dream of the good, the great and the grand.
let this stand.
I live for Love, or love. whatever you call it.
I live for the moment to love in this moment.
Take what is with you, use your short times, love is an opportunity not often given, enjoy while it exists.
What will be, will eventually be.
until then life is a lesson in love,
to learn what is your love,
then love what you've learned.
...
Listen to believe in change,
Observe to see its mark,
Vary your hearts perception,
Enjoy what you have found.

and words they spoke to ease my mind
words of filled with lies
I have to take the long road around to ever get an answer
answers hidden from view
I loved you so very much
cared for you and tried so hard
never returned it would seem
I mean
fuck it I guess
sweep me under your carpet
if thats all I mean to you, then fuck it were so clearly through
It would have been nice though
to end with nice words
say hey, we tried, wrong place, wrong time
but fuck it.

The worth of caring is getting smaller in my heart
to care means to bare means to expose means to hurt
fuck it, I cant stop caring, its who I am
always will be
....
I sadly know that this is written with a fuel too fast
the fire of deceit still burning hot
turn your back, ignore it, its fine
these things always go away in time
Way too much has gone into this, Im done
Your amazing, your beautiful, your full of so much
your thought of your smile still makes me do the same
but now under a carpet, hidding with my shame
fuck the carpet, fuck the dark, fuck me
I have got to get out
I need someone or something
I really do
why not you
what changes you so quickly...
day to day its a different story
why not actually hang out and tell me about it
talk to me
keep me informed, instead of sitting here feeling like my soul is unnaturally deformed

This has been another chapter in:
What The Fuck

Women

AUUUGGHH! Women! Yes you!

I turn to the page in hope of discovering answers. As thoughts are formed and words spill out I hope somewhere in what is written will be truth without any ulterior. Struggling for structure, grammer my foe. I can't grasp love so easily forgotten, the only truth can be that I was spoken lies. So should I be surprised...So no more running, no more chase, it was never a game and I have been left in the dirt to contemplate my shame. I still don't know who I am, or how it happened that the devil I became. I will never find closure, I don't think it is what I seek. Of what I don't know...I seek answers from a mind filled with questions and that is no easy task. It is times like these that I truly hate myself, my mind, my emotion, my being...I force upon a weakness, a burden to carry. It is not fair to me or any else. I seek relief in the bottom of a bottle. Put on a smile, grin. No fake face, I wont put on a mask. self. who are you? what is it you want...give me a bottle, fill up the cup. I will deal with sorrow tomorrow.

sad songs offer the sweet relief
music for writing away woe and grief
over and over again
playing out the end
broken hearted
I play the fool
ignore the pain until it goes away
sight being seen
green and grey
forced to relive against my will
beauty never loved the beast
simply tricked with magic into a false belief
I am empty.
fallin down, apart, into pieces
...
my recent experiences in life and love have taught me something I didnt want to learn. I am not worth what I thought. multiple failed attempts to create relations, only fuel my desire to aim higher. Yet, I must not be worthy. I invest too much perhaps, offer to little...I need a slap in the face, a telling straight up, put into place. I have found that I am a breaker, everything, I touch, I own, I see, I am with. People, places, everything it would seem. A wonder how I am still welcome. Succinct are words to describe my depression, never ending. Its beginning is so far gone it is beyond out of site, years of self loathe have created this persona. I am not a weak person, I think my mind to be strong. what is weak is my heart in matters involving hearts. I yearn for love, my one true desire. I look around and see it so often. I will play the fool in every walk of life. Close my eyes and walk out blind, move with hope and feeling. I am learning listening is simply the ability to let someone elses words or ideas change you and yours. I am starved, fed with a string that was far too long. Truth...an opinion

working progress

A mind in a sublime ease
time move back please
but just for a second
I need to catch my breath
less I catch my death.

one step

At long last the words came out
a posting of emotion
or lack there of
torn
worn out
time to take now
new things to learn
like how to not stare at simply a name
written on paper or pixels
and not dream of a face
or a place
I remember laying under stars
a hand in a hand
watching the beauty above
catching thrown hugs
and midnight kisses lasting way too long
these are past, beautiful relics of amazing days.
How could I have been so stupid
this will burn on forever
but embers I can keep
wrapped up and covered
hidden
out of view
...
forward seems a good direction
looking back has to end
for this is a fight I cannot win
...
words are slow
my mind I think blown
but this I have known,
could be the reality for far too long,
dismissed was the thought
I didnt like what it brought,
shame and hope cant walk together
ditch one and preserve the latter,
hope for tomorrow
hope for better days
for now to remember will prolong the sorrow
force the mind to cease the midnight plays
dont dreamers ever dream of love
but only that and no other

I see what I dream, not always up to me

brown eyed girl of my dreams
please reconsider me

Affected so much by so few words
All I need to hear is hello and I am smiling again
yet actions do much more
it is all so meaningful
all so intentional
every move
every method
all pre-designed
by an intuitive mind.
Spoken words need to take the place
of drunken words and motions
false are inebriated actions
some my call it pure truth
but I think it's pure sleuth
by this I mean what can be true when influenced by extravagance...
these are nothing short of false elegance
speak with no borders, no boundaries, no common sense
words get slurred and spilt together
loosing truth with every so called truth
your mind will slip and slide through all of this
catching glimpses of whats been heard
but maybe never hearing
morning after is like building a puzzle
moments sewed together haphazardly
an opinion formed by a fuzzy point of view.
No, this does not work.
it may provide an oil for tongues
to smoothly slip whats going on inside
though like a ladder lacking rungs
it is just a frame on which you can't rely...
...
So back to the point,
of words and actions.
consider the possibilities
many woven all together
words meet actions
in an intricate dance
bodies move and lungs exhale
a chorded chorus called language.
language is more than just an oral exhalation
it encompasses all of your actions
and anything that can be read.
I like to read more than just actions
looking beyond whats displayed with a motion
...
problems here in-lie
comprehension of different dialects
learn to read what you see with ease
but never forget that the blind can see too.
see what you feel
know that feelings shared
cannot always be compared
realise
you dont need eyes...
they help though
actions and words dance a similar dance
when out of step
a personal lie,
eyes and ears are judges with bias
relax
life is a lesson to learn
so chill in class, its always in session
master your self
write, paint, draw, create
challange your mind with external learning
dancing is an acquired skill

looking back, often done
A need to see and perceive the past
relate to the present
plan for the future.
How far back too look isn't easy
deciding a moment that was considered with definition.
define me, define you, define us
often thoughts overtake a mind
more often than not it would seem
sweet memories couple haunted visions
desire for reason, or better yet
move back to square one
only to easy to call that impossible
funny. always the same thoughts provide words.
a brush can stroke the canvas
mark left in permanence
with paint of deeper shade though
permanent means much less
like morning makeup on diva's cheeks
deeper shades stroke over lighter mistakes
a canvas thick now, with layer on layer
rethink, relate.
this means little if held in it's context
simply observing a painters melodrama
take it out and reconsider
no canvas belongs in a box...per say
a stroke of a brush seems so simple a fix
but consider the possiblities
what brush will be used
and what paint will select... itself, maybe
let art become art with art as its guide?
this seems like a painters lie
out of context, but read the subtext
a meaning is never too far
relax...not quite
...
hopeless is this romantic in a world lost of romance
hearts are my leaning post, too easily broken
words being intentionally left unspoken
.force an end.

write
...
rewrite
reword
review
restart
reconsider
reword
rewrite
review
...
relax
relapse
review
render
relive
rewrite
relish
reward
post
...
write

tongue tied
fingers closing tight
words dont seem to exist
whenever the timing is right
surely, I can in my mind play out an entire conversation
proper words spilled out for every word in return
but the cat has come and gone
in the process taken my song
I do not sing so many can hear
I believe to listen you need the right kind of ear
I dont sing sweet melodies, or rap or jazz or blues
I sing a song of...
it matters most to me
it is more deeply set than the marrow in my bones
ramble ramble spit and gamble
I dont gamble with stakes so high
the odds are blinded, and so am I
my one true conviction is my worst affliction
I bring pain upon me when love is what I dole
out
I bleed direct from the heart like the water pours straight out of a spout
replenishing to some but vital to all
heart beats
one is healthy
two is lovely
hearts beating in tandem
rhythmic love making
sweet sounds
the melodies of...
do you hear them?
I hear what I choose to hear
often incorrect
walking down the dim lit path hoping for a hand to share
hope, no hope, love, no love...
pessimistic optimism is truly hard to fathom
painfully smile at a bleeding heart
...
this is me
tear me apart
I will sew me back together
but me is never the same
me is not your game
me is I
and I am stitched
so now
I dream hazy dreams
they all share similar characters
those who mean too much
past and present
ghosts in place
forced to remember
never to forget
Love

Truly an explanation please...
Brain what is it that you are up to?
from two feet and a heart beat to clog rational thought
something from nothing is a hopeless dream
do something, get nothing
more realistic it would seem
for some reason, to me...
miss and want are seperate while holding hands
which is more prevelant, which has better grip
I am but a fool.

And woe is mine,
staring in stop-motion,
hoping for a brief connection.
I lack a basic understanding of how to show my thoughts.
Words on paper seem to seep out of my mind with no abatement to space and time.
no meaning, just bleeding ink from a pen called atlantis.
I've seemingly lost some abilities,
one to be me, and two to see you.
Like a child learning to walk, attempting to talk.
It's funny to witness a hand slip away, though digitial flirting has no bend,
words cast around on airwaves with less care,
than given to mental stability.
So now what do I do and how to go about it,
with love comes the risk of not being loved,
but without risk your not living...
I always wonder is it worth it to risk it?
A constant in my mind,
too much discretion just fuels my obsession. LO
Beautiful brunette with brown eyes framed,
How is it so easy to have you on my mind.
Stupid really, like the state of my heart, slow steps.

...

tongue tied, words stumble before there spoken
broken ability to communicate
scared of whats true, and whats white like lies
lack of trust from mistrusting lives
black and white
if only it were so easy

I read most words carefully
most things I write I try to word in a way that sounds good to me
which isn't always easy
the pressure is great
sometimes
I find the chances here and there to let true emotion flow
from pen to paper, key to screen
and words get lost in the writing
the pressure is great
simple really, perfection
perfection like most things
is a point of opinion
but that, of only one

great.


So move away and forget it all
nothing around to remind but passions left on dusty trails


I read these words so carefully...
"Like all art...you have to look back to see just how far along you've come and see just how much you have grown."

time and time again
trying to read from other angles
and time and time again I end up with the some conclusion
it's that of a question really.
How far along do you need to go before you are able to look back and see how far you've come?
this is a troubling question, many connections and directions engrained
where to go with this....it seems to me like this is good fuel to any frustrated students fire
adage: aim for the moon and you may get lost in space, reach for the stars and you will at least end up on the moon.

by this account it would seem to mean that if you strive for to much greatness you will lose sight of where you came from...


...


A flawless thought process would be a dream.